“I am no longer shrinking to be digestible. You can choke, respectfully.”
That quote stopped me in my tracks.

I saw it months ago on social media, and it’s been living rent-free in the back of my mind ever since. Stirring something. Cracking something open. Because if I’m being honest… I’ve shrunk. More times than I care to admit.

I’ve smiled through discomfort. Said yes when my whole body was screaming no. Kept quiet not because I lacked an opinion, but because I didn’t want to rock the boat.

Sound familiar?

The Slow Conditioning of Womanhood

As women we’ve been quietly trained to believe that being cooperative equals being kind. That making things easy for others, even when it’s hard for us, somehow makes us “good.” That agreeable, quiet, and low-maintenance are the qualities that make us lovable.

And it doesn’t always show up in big, dramatic ways. It’s in the everyday moments:

• Biting our tongue at home to avoid an argument.
• Saying yes to one more task at work, even though we’re drowning.
• Laughing off a friend’s comment that actually hurt.

It’s subtle. But it adds up. Tiny, quiet moments of self-abandonment disguised as politeness.

The Cost of Compliance

Every time we say yes when we mean no, we chip away at our own authenticity.
It’s like making a little withdrawal from the bank account of who we really are.

And here’s the thing: one withdrawal may feel harmless. But keep doing it—and one day, you wake up and don’t recognize the woman in the mirror. You feel drained. Disconnected. Resentful. And you don’t even know why.

But here’s why:
Because you’ve been living out of alignment with your truth.

Every time we silence our discomfort to “keep the peace,” we teach ourselves—and everyone around us—that our needs are negotiable. That we’re not worthy of taking up space. That love is earned by being small.

The Inner War No One Sees

The truth doesn’t disappear when we bury it. It brews.
It simmers inside our bodies as anxiety, tension, and exhaustion.

That tightness in your chest after saying yes to something you didn’t want to do?
That pit in your stomach when you pretend everything’s fine?
That lingering fatigue, even after a full night of sleep?

That’s the weight of everything you’re holding back.

Your relationships feel it, too—especially the one with your kids. Because when we’re disconnected from ourselves, we can’t show up fully for them. And they feel it, even if they can’t name it.

Our Daughters Are Watching

And this—this is what hit me the hardest.

My daughters are watching.

They’re watching me say yes when I mean no.
They’re watching me apologize for things that aren’t my fault.
They’re watching me stay small to keep the peace.

And if I’m not careful, they’ll grow up thinking that’s what love looks like. That’s what kindness means. That to be a good woman is to be quiet, agreeable, and digestible.

We Were Meant to Be Bold

It is our job to light a voice inside our girls that’s too loud for the world to silence.
A voice that says:

“I am woman. Hear me roar.”

I want my daughters to believe that kindness and boundaries can coexist. That they’re allowed to take up space. That their voice matters—not because they’re easy to love, but because of who they are.

But they won’t believe it just because I tell them.
They’ll believe it because they see me live it.

The Ripple Effect of Truth

Every time you honor your truth, you give her permission to honor hers.
Every time you say no with love, you teach her that self-respect is non-negotiable.
Every time you show up as your full, unedited self, you remind both of you that shrinking is not the price of love.

Remember: Two things can be true at the same time.

You can be kind and honest.
You can be loving and assertive.
You can care deeply and still honor yourself.

Let your daughter see that.

Your One Small Step

So here’s your challenge:

The next time you feel the urge to shrink, pause.
Ask yourself: Am I being kind… or compliant?

If the answer is “compliant,”
you have full permission to say:
“I am no longer shrinking to be digestible. You can choke, respectfully.”

Because we were never meant to be bite-sized.
We were meant to be bold, brave, and fully alive.

Every time we choose authenticity over approval, we model the kind of woman our daughters deserve to see.

So… What Now?

You start small.

You pause before saying yes.

You speak up, even if your voice shakes.

You check in with your gut before you check off the box.

You remind yourself—and your daughters—what real strength looks like.

Not in being quiet. Not in being agreeable.

But in being real.

This isn’t about becoming loud or confrontational or “too much.”

It’s about becoming yourself again.

The woman you were before the world told you to soften your edges.

The girl who knew what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to want it.

The mother who’s learning that showing up honestly is the best gift she can give.

So this week, come home to her.

To you.

Because the most powerful legacy you’ll ever leave isn’t in what you said yes to—it’s in who you chose to be.

Not just for them.

But for you, too.

You’re worth that truth.

You’ve always been.

And mama… it’s time.