The other day, a friend and I were deep in conversation—talking about life, kids, and, most of all, marriage. As we reflected on how much we’ve grown in our relationships over the years, I kept finding myself saying the same thing:

“Marriage isn’t ‘work.’ It’s about being intentional. Marriage should be fun!”

How many times have you heard someone say, “Marriage is hard work! You have to work at it to make it last”?

It’s a phrase we’ve all heard—maybe even said ourselves. But what if marriage isn’t about hard work at all? What if the key to a thriving relationship isn’t effort in the traditional sense, but something much more powerful?

My husband and I have been married for twelve years. He’s my best friend—the person who knows me better than anyone else, who makes me feel safe, seen, and deeply loved. He’s the one I can’t wait to share my best moments with and the one who holds me through the hardest ones. From big milestones to the most ordinary moments, he’s the person I want by my side, always.

We’ve been through so much together, and for the longest time, I believed what everyone says: “Marriage takes a lot of work.” But as the years have passed, I’ve realized something different. Marriage doesn’t take work—it takes intention. It’s about choosing each other, day after day, not because we have to, but because we want to. And that shift has made all the difference.

Marriage Doesn’t Take Work—It Takes Intention

For years, I believed what so many people say about marriage: “It’s hard work.” I thought that in order for a relationship to thrive, it required constant effort, sacrifice, and struggle. And while marriage isn’t always easy, I’ve come to realize that the secret to a strong, happy relationship isn’t work—it’s intention. Being intentional in your marriage means making a conscious choice, every single day, to nurture your relationship. It’s not about grand gestures or exhausting effort; it’s about showing up in small but meaningful ways. It’s about loving each other on purpose.

Ways to Be More Intentional in Your Marriage

1. Prioritize Connection Daily

Life gets busy—kids, work, responsibilities—but making time for your spouse doesn’t have to be complicated. A simple text in the middle of the day, a lingering hug before heading out the door, or five minutes of uninterrupted eye contact can make all the difference.

2. Express Gratitude Often

It’s easy to take each other for granted when you’re caught up in the routine of life. But a heartfelt “thank you” for the little things—making coffee, folding laundry, or simply being there—can make your partner feel appreciated and valued. Take a moment each night to share three things you’re grateful for about each other. It’s a small habit that can create a deep sense of connection and gratitude in your relationship.

3. Listen with Your Full Attention

How often do we half-listen while scrolling on our phones or thinking about our to-do list? Real connection happens when we put distractions aside and truly listen. Ask about their day, their thoughts, their dreams—and genuinely care about the answer.

4. Keep Dating Each Other

Just because you’re married doesn’t mean the romance should stop. Be intentional about planning date nights, even if it’s just a picnic in the living room after the kids go to bed. Keep the spark alive by continuing to date each other.

5. Choose Love in the Hard Moments

Disagreements are inevitable, but how we handle them makes all the difference. Being intentional means choosing love over ego, listening instead of reacting, and remembering that you’re on the same team—even when you don’t see eye to eye.

6. Speak Their Love Language

Everyone feels loved in different ways. Maybe your spouse needs words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, or quality time. Pay attention to what makes them feel the most loved and intentionally give that to them.

7. Make Time for Laughter

Marriage should be fun! Laugh together, be silly, and find joy in the everyday moments. A relationship built on friendship and playfulness is one that lasts.

Love on Purpose

Marriage doesn’t have to feel like work when we choose to be intentional. When we love with purpose, prioritize connection, and show up for each other in meaningful ways, our relationship doesn’t just survive—it thrives.

So, instead of asking, “Am I working hard enough in my marriage?” try asking, “Am I being intentional enough?” When we focus on being intentional—about love, communication, and making each other a priority—marriage doesn’t feel like a chore; it feels like a partnership worth celebrating.

Because at the end of the day, love isn’t about effort—it’s about choice. And choosing each other, over and over again, is what makes a marriage truly beautiful.

How are you being intentional in your marriage? Take a moment today to reflect on the little ways you can show up for your partner—whether it’s sending a sweet text, planning a surprise date night, or simply listening with your full attention.

I’d love to hear your thoughts! Drop a comment below and share one way you intentionally nurture your relationship. Let’s inspire each other to love on purpose!